For as long as persons have committed wrongs against other persons, there has been a need for the occasional apology. And like closing barn doors after horses have left, apologies don’t make up for what requires such actions in the first place. Doing things that might minimize (not dismiss) the impact or frequency of potential failures from the same sources (or apologists) should be given some attention too.
Apologies shouldn’t be taken for granted or dismissed when they are genuine, but there are always exceptions. There are many instances where such things aren’t deliverable to persons who can accept or acknowledge them. Some mistakes of judgment are in fact quite lethal. Offerings of atonement of some kind might be made in certain instances and they are also subject to being refused. Reparations by themselves often don’t mean much and some errors cannot ever be reversed or paid for in full. Persons should not feel obligated to put themselves in danger so that an apologist might have the opportunity to act contritely.
Apologies (if they are in fact real) require an admission of guilt or an actual confession including an acknowledgement that wrongful actions have indeed occurred and deserve special note. Many apologies also include a request for forgiveness and are without strings. While requests for forgiveness are not necessary, they are often implied. Genuine apologies are spoken and delivered softly. Apologies are serious things and not to be easily (or flippantly) shared or accepted.
Many apologies include expressions of regret for ones own actions not the events, which require an apology. One must accept responsibility and be accountable for their actions not just observe that certain wrongful actions have occurred. Those who have suffered often require an explanation of circumstances minus any zealous justifications. Apologies made for the sake of “moving on” are meaningless. One must commit to learning from an experience and to not repeating their mistakes. New knowledge must also be applied. Apologies must not become substitutes for doing what is right when one knows better.
Each apology is unique. The situation and circumstances that require them are unique and what can be returned in terms of forgiveness is equally unique. One can’t just look to a scripture, a guideline or a law and determine what actions are always appropriate or apply to individual situations. Some decisions and issues are best left to others who can manage them with real knowledge, detachment and the authority to exact some level of fairness without being overbearing or unfair. If the receiver of an apology has the capacity to accept such a thing, it can’t be forced upon them, and if it is, acceptance is not real. One who accepts or refuses an apology should not be looked down on. Sometimes acceptance and forgiveness take time, and at other times more needs to be done before such things are earned. The acceptance (or refusal) of an apology is not to be interpreted as a concession or recognition of lack of character, weakness or guilt. Apologies aren't always to be accepted at the end of a prison sentence.
In many instances mistakes are mediated into nonexistence where neither party admits guilt or accepts a loss. Or just money, changing hands “makes things disappear”. Apologies (even behind closed doors) are often forgotten. “Agreements to disagree” are one thing but to pretend like nothing has happened when conflicts actually occur amounts to lying.
Whatever happened to “I did it, I was there, what I did was wrong, and what I did, did not need to happen, I am sorry for what I did too, I have learned from this, I will not repeat that mistake again, your forgiveness is not required and if you don’t forgive me I can’t hold this against you”?
If it "ain't real" why waste everyones time (and your own)?
